Chapter 6

Saturday April 28th 

6:52 p.m.  P.S.T.

The whistle cut thru him like a knife. His whole body suddenly became like a rock, his hands stopped in mid tie and he could feel his heart suddenly sinking deep down into the very pit of his stomach as tears welled up inside his eyes. He felt suddenly alone, empty and violated and his muscles grew taut and painful as crazy thoughts flashed thru his young mind. Feelings that Justin must have told Tyler soared within his now shaking body and he felt trapped, unable to run, unable to hide and he didn’t know what to do, as the fear seemed to grip his entire body. Nothing worked or moved and he could hear the deafening silence growing behind him.

Tyler ”Hey, you okay man? Shit you are shaking like a leaf?”

Justin ”Yeah, what’s up? Maybe you should sit down?”

Slowly Zack managed to get some control over his aching body and he put his foot down, standing upright as the fear he had was slowly being replaced by an unknown anger. He just couldn’t handle this any longer and for some strange reason he turned, wanting to lash out at the two boys who had stolen his heart without even knowing it. He suddenly wanted to just hurt and strike out but as he turned around he saw the concern in both of their faces and he grew scared once more, uncertain about what to do.

Zack ”That whistle, it uh, sorry never mind.”

Justin ”Huh? What about it?”

Fuck you told him, I knew it, now you are going to tease me, or worse, but fuck, I am not your, I gotta get out of here, this is crazy, but damn it, I wish that whistle was for me, was real, wasn’t just to trap me or make me look bad, why can’t it be like in my dreams? Why?

Zack ”It sounded like, well, you know, it kind of made me, uh, made me…”

Tyler ”Made you what?”

Fuck he thinks we were coming on to him, I bet that’s it, or maybe he was hoping that was it? After all, that book and Tyler’s, shit, he has a crush on Tyler I bet, I am ruining it for him and now the whistling, he thinks we are making fun of him, that I told Tyler about the book.

Justin ”Shit, you thought we were whistling as a come on?”

Zack ”Uh, well, sort of I guess, in a…”

Tyler ”Huh? Shit, you thought we were, Christ you thought it was a, fucking hell, we aren’t fags, is that what you thought?”

Justin ”SHIT!”

Zack ”No, no that isn’t it, fuck, it isn’t that, well, fuck it, I better go.”

Tyler ”Fuck that shit Trailer, what the hell is wrong?”

Justin had moved off to one side, as if to let Zack pass by, but Tyler was having none of it, he just stood there, tall and defiant as if he would physically stop Zack from leaving. You could see the determination in Tyler’s face too and Zack just stood there, his shirt in one hand, his pants in another, and he looked scared, like a rabbit caught in a light’s glare.

Zack ”You wouldn’t understand, neither of you would, I should go, bad enough that, fuck it, I gotta go, sorry, I’ll, I mean, shit I gotta go.”

Zack reached down to grab his shirt and was throwing it over his shoulder when he saw Justin’s face and the way his eyes were staring at him. He stopped in mid stretch, amazed at how pained the eyes were and he couldn’t understand why and then he saw Tyler looking at him too, and while he saw a great deal of confusion in his eyes he also saw anger too and he grew even more frightened. This wasn’t how he wanted this evening to go and yet he felt like before it was all over, he would be in tears and most likely in pain too. Christ how did he get himself trapped like this?

Tyler ”Hold on Zack, now I don’t know what’s up your ass, but Justin and I didn’t mean anything by that whistle, shit it is just that, well I haven’t seen those kind of shorts in ages, that’s all, guess we sort of, fuck, I really wish you would just calm down and explain it. For me? Please?”

Explain what? That I am a fucking fag and you two turn me on? How do I explain that Tyler? Or worse, how do I explain that having you whistle at me made me feel like Justin has told you and that you two are just trying to get me to admit to something I don’t want to? Calm down he says, when the only way I am going to get out of here is to get my ass kicked? I don’t think so.

Zack ”Sorry, I am just, fuck, you both don’t get it do you?”

Justin ”Tell us what we don’t get, we aren’t exactly stupid.”

Zack ”I didn’t say you were.”

Tyler ”Then tell us what this is all about?”

Justin ”Shit we only whistled out of being, well nervous.”

Fuck why don’t you just get it over with? Why all this ‘let’s talk’ bullshit, you told him Justin, I can tell and now you two are trying to make me admit it or something before you beat me up or whatever it is you have planned, but I am not going to fall for it, no fucking way, I am not going to be that easy anymore.

Zack ”Nervous? What the fuck do you two have to be nervous about? Shit, you guys are in sweats or shorts all the time working out, its nothing to you two jocks, but its not that way for me, I am not, I am not used to, fuck what’s the use.”

Tyler ”I guess that there isn’t any use, if you think we are both that lame, kind of thought you were more of a friend than this.”

Whoa, what did he say? He’s angry at me for wanting to leave but this isn’t right, why were they whistling if Justin hadn’t, nervous? Them? How can a wimp like me make them nervous? Shit, this is too confusing, I just want to leave but, damn it Tyler, why did you have to say that? God you look so fucking hot and Justin too, and yet, what if, no, I need to think, this isn’t what I thought, or is it?

Justin ”It’s my fault Tyler, isn’t it Zack? It’s because of the other day at school, shit, I should be the one to leave man, sorry Tyler, I fucked up and I guess…”

“Huh? Now you are leaving too? Christ, do I have a smell or something? What is going on with you two?”

Zack ”It isn’t your fault Justin, I mean, oh shit, guess I am just too fucking sensitive, been a rough week I guess.”

Justin ”Zack, I am sorry, it is just that, I mean… I am the new kid here, what could I do?”

Tyler ”Someone want to clue me in here? What is going on?”

Zack ”I suppose so Justin, but shit, you got it easy compared to what it’s like being always on the outside, hell you had more people saying hello to you the first day than I have had all year long, that’s cause you are part of the elite, the in crowd, I guess, I am just, I don’t know, at times I hate being on the other side.”

Fuck, try being on the inside, you think its tough being left alone? How would you like to be always on guard, always on centre stage and never being able to just be yourself? Fuck, you are so damn lucky Zack, you just don’t know it.

Tyler ”Huh? Come on Zack, it isn’t that bad, and besides, it isn’t all that easy being in the in crowd as you call it, hell there are lots of headaches being in that group, fuck at times I wish I could just be by myself.”

Justin ”Yeah, Christ Zack you got it easy, and sure, everyone wants to hang with me, that’s why I spent the day at the arcade.”

Zack ”Oh, that isn’t what I mean, it is, shit, I mean you can get away with stuff, you don’t have guys like Brian ragging on you or calling you names, and if they do, you got a whole bunch of guys who’ll stick up for you, guys like me have no one.”

Shit he’s talking about that crap that happened with Brian that day, but it wasn’t easy, he has to understand, can’t he see that I am the new kid? If I stood up they’d pick on me, and then what? How can I play on a team if they think I am queer or a nerd or worse? I couldn’t help you, besides, it wasn’t like you were gonna get beaten up or anything.

Justin ”I am sorry Zack, I was scared, it isn’t a good excuse, fuck after you helped me out, I should have told Brian to fuck off. I am sorry.”

Tyler ”What exactly did Brian do this time? Man he’s such an asshole.”

Justin ”He was picking on Zack, teasing him, calling him queer and stuff, and well, you remember, you walked in on the tail end of it.”

Tyler ”Shit, that still bothering you Zack?”

Zack ”No, just, I don’t know, maybe I guess.”

Shit, what if he is? He is puny enough and he always does seem to just sort of, but nah, I’d know if he was, just that why would Brian be calling him queer if he didn’t know something?

Tyler ”Are you? Uh, gay that is.”

Zack ”Why? Do I look gay or something?”

Tyler ”I don’t know, don’t really know any, but shit man, everyone gets called names and stuff, why let it get to you?”

Zack ”Because it does, you are lucky, you are the superstar, no one is going to call you names, so you don’t know how it feels… it hurts at times, no one knows who I am, but they think I am something because someone like Brian tells them that, it sticks with a person.”

Fuck someone called me a queer I’d deck them first, then talk, but then Zack is a wimp, and Brian isn’t exactly a push over, still, a guy has to stand up for themselves, don’t they?

Tyler ”Shit, why don’t you just tell him to fuck off? I mean if it bugs you so much…”

Easy for Mr. Popular to say, fuck sometimes Tyler you can be such an ass, but that’s not fair, how could you know what its like for guys like me, I just wish this whole thing was over, no school, no Brian’s, nothing, just go away somewhere and be alone, away from all this fucking pain and shit.

Zack ”Yeah right and get the shit kicked out of me every day? I don’t think so Tyler.”

Tyler ”Come on, he may be a jerk but he isn’t that mean, he’s just horsing around Zack, we all do it at times, lighten up.”

Horsing around huh? Fuck, figures, when you are on the other side maybe you’ll think it isn’t a joke. Guys call you stuff, it sticks, no matter what, it fucking sticks.

Zack ”Oh right, easy for you to say, and that isn’t fun, least not to those who are on the receiving end. Shit, think of it, what if I was gay? Would you have agreed to have me come here to help you? Come on, would you?”

Christ, is he queer? Shit I just want to keep my grades up and now I gotta deal with this? Fuck, but he’s right, would I?

Tyler ”Shit, I don’t know, guess not, but…”

Zack ”Yeah, and would you have stopped Brian from getting into it with me last week?”

Tyler ”I don’t know, I mean you aren’t queer so what’s the big deal?”

Zack ”But I am different, queer, nerd, whatever, makes me a target and I guess I just, fuck, what’s the use…”

Justin ”He’s right Tyler, I have done that, never really thought about how it must feel, and well, I guess I just want to belong too, maybe that’s why we do that shit Zack, just want to belong like you do, sorry.”

Zack ”yeah, okay, guess I am just being a jerk, sorry.”

Justin ”No, I never really thought, oh fuck, yeah I did think how you would feel, but I just wanted to not rock the boat, its hard enough being the new kid, harder when people expect so much and then, the move here, fuck, I just didn’t want another hassle, I really am sorry Zack, I do want us to be friends, if you want?”

Zack ”Huh? Really? Why?”

Justin ”I don’t know, I guess because, well somehow, I mean, you seem to feel the same way I do, I mean we both are alone, I guess… fuck, sorry.”

Shit this is like listening to Sheryl and her friends nattering about some break up or something. Bloody soap opera but then again, Justin has a point, he does seem like he’s the shy type, guess him and Zack would make good friends.

Tyler ”Jesus Justin, stop apologizing so much, look, I don’t know anything about all this shit, but you got it wrong Zack, I mean about how easy I got it or even Justin. Fuck do you have any idea at the extra pressure we have to take?”

Zack ”huh? No, I mean, sort of I think, but still…”

Tyler ”Still nothing man, fuck, you think its easy being in the ‘in crowd’? Hell, its like a living hell at times, sure you see the perks, like the chicks that follow you around hoping for a quickie or something, or others falling all over you to get you to come to their party so they’ll be a hit, when all you really want to do is go the pizza joint and scarf down a pepperoni and bacon pizza by yourself. Never mind all the other shit we gotta do every day so we can be the star, at least in your shoes, you don’t have to worry about disappointing a whole school or community like I do or Justin does, so maybe you don’t have it so bad. Maybe, just maybe, you have the better of things.”

Zack ”Sorry, I never thought, but then why do you do it? I mean if you hate it so much…”

Tyler ”Christ, like I got a choice? Do you think my old man would let me not play? It’s like that’s all parents want, get a boy and have him become the next Joe Montana or Jerry Rice, get a girl and she has to be Home Coming Queen or head cheer leader, like we have a choice?”

Justin ”Yeah, my mom is already wanting to know why I am not practising, hell she even flew out here first to check out the coach and stuff, look Zack, I’d trade anything to just be able to throw the ball out back with my dad, never mind being some hot shot receiver, I’d like to just kick back and have water fights with my dad or friends, but I can’t, not allowed, fuck why do you think I go running at night?”

Tyler ”Huh? You go out at night jogging?”

Justin ”Yeah, I can’t stand it at home, I need to get out, to breathe, you know?”

Tyler ”Fuck yeah but shit man, its dangerous out there at night.”

Zack ”I thought you went jogging to keep in shape?”

Justin ”Shit no, I used to go for runs with my dad, we’d just run through parks and stuff, but we talked, you know? It wasn’t to keep in shape, just to be outside, free and together, guess that’s why I go at night, it’s the only time when she isn’t hanging over me.”

Tyler ”That sucks, where’s your dad?”

Justin ”Florida, they split up and now he won’t even talk to me.”

Zack ”Your dad won’t talk to you? Christ that sucks, sorry Justin, I didn’t know.”

Justin ”It’s okay, just that at night its worse, you know? I mean we used to do lots of things together, then suddenly I am moved up here and he doesn’t even answer my email, fuck no one does from down there, guess its why I was such a fucking wusse, I just… fuck, sorry guys.”

Zack ”That must suck, why wouldn’t he answer your email?”

Justin ”I don’t know, guess he’s disappointed in me for something, I don’t know, it just fucking sucks.”

Tyler ”Don’t know what to say Justin, I mean my folks fight and yell a lot but shit, I don’t know how I’d feel if they split and my dad didn’t call or write me, fuck that really is a downer, adults, man they sure are assholes at times.”

Zack ”Uh, he doesn’t answer your emails? Nothing?”

Justin ”Yeah, nothing, and I am going crazy, fuck, what did I do to make him hate me?”

Tyler ”Probably nothing man, just him being pissed at your old lady.”

Maybe, but shit, he could at least send me an email or something, just to let me know he cares, but then, she’s turned him off maybe he doesn’t care anymore or just doesn’t want to have anything to do with a kid of hers, fuck I hate this, Tyler and Zack must think I am a really wimp.

Justin ”Fuck I don’t blame him for that, she’s a fucking witch man, and she’s always cussing him out, even for shit he couldn’t do, like when she breaks a damn nail its his fault. Christ I wish I could live on my own, or at least back in Florida.”

Zack ”Uh, maybe he can’t answer you Justin.”

Justin ”Huh? What do you mean? He has a computer, shit he taught me how to use it, course he can answer me if he wanted to.”

Zack ”Uh that isn’t what I mean, uh, I saw this show, the guy wasn’t allowed to write or call his kid, some court thing, maybe your mom got one those things, some court thing.”

Tyler ”Restraining order, that’s the name, my Mom talks about that sometimes, how those things are so unfair at times, but shit, Zack could be right Justin, maybe your mom is so mad at your dad she got a restraining order that doesn’t let him contact you, sure would explain stuff.”

Justin ”FUCK! God damn her, but why didn’t anyone tell me?”

Zack ”Cause we got nothing to say about it, we’re just kids remember?”

Tyler ”Yeah, but that’s not true Zack, I mean my Mom works for some fancy lawyer but she says there are these kid lawyers…”

Justin ”Kid lawyers?”

Tyler ”Yeah, they work for the kids, not the adults, shit I know the name of one, he’s been over a few times, I can go up and get his name if you want?”

Shit, a lawyer that was on my side? Fuck how the hell does that work and how am I going to pay for that? But, shit, at least maybe i I call one, where do I look and, maybe I could ask that Keith creep, but no, he’s too busy trying to pork the old lady. Shit, I could puke thinking about that, he’s such a jerk too, the way he flashes his money around. Christ I hope she doesn’t fall for him, my life sucks enough as it is. Kid lawyer though, fuck.

Justin ”Really? Shit yeah, I mean, how much do they cost?”

Tyler ”I don’t know, free?”

Justin ”Fuck I’d like that, can you get it for me?”

Tyler ”Sure, you hang on and I’ll go write it down from my Mom’s rolodex, I know its in there, he’s not a bad dude either, back in a few.”

Tyler got up from the floor where he had been sitting and as he stood up, he stared at both of his friends and for some reason; he felt that they needed to be alone. He couldn’t explain it, but something inside of him made him feel like he was in the way of something, and he had a good excuse to leave them for a while. Besides, he kind of wanted to be alone too, as the weird thoughts inside of his head were confusing him.

Zack has that uneasy feeling again as Tyler left the room. He had sat on the workout bench and he felt too exposed. His legs were so white as compared to Tyler and Justin’s complexion but then everything about him was different. They were muscled and he was just fat, but it really wasn’t the physical differences that were bothering him, as he was still feeling uncertain as to what was going on.

He had expected to be found out, and he still felt like that was going to happen but it was different. For some odd reason he didn’t think it would get him beaten up, least not by Justin or Tyler, but if they did find out, would it stay with them or would the whole school know by Monday? That was what had him scared now and yet too, all that Justin had said, made him feel like his problem wasn’t all that serious. It had to really hurt to think your parents didn’t care about you, and he could sort of feel Justin’s pain too.

Justin ”Uh Zack, I uh, I really am sorry about Brian…”

Zack ”Yeah, I know, its okay.”

Fuck how do I tell you that that stuff in your book and Brian calling you queer had me scared? Why should I be scared, I like girls, hell I want girls, but you scared me, and I freaked, how do I tell you that without looking like a jerk?

Justin ”no, no it isn’t, at least I don’t think it is, shit, I guess I just was scared that he’d call me queer or something, and, well, uh I was confused a bit by, well, uh…”

Zack ”Let’s just drop it Justin, okay?”

Justin ”I can’t, uh, I don’t know, but, uh, I really would like us to be friends.”

Shit you want to be friends after letting me hang that day? Fuck how can I? Shit he looks like he means it though, but why?

Zack ”why?”

Justin ”I don’t know, uh, Zack, about that book in your room…”

Zack ”yes?”

Justin ”Uh, don’t worry about it, I promise, I won’t tell anyone about it, uh, in case you have been, uh, you know, worrying that I might.”

Zack ”really?”

Justin ”Yeah, really, uh, can I ask you something?”

Zack ”What?”

Justin ”Uh, are you? I mean, well, you know, are you?”

Zack was petrified, as the question seemed to echo in his head over and over again. He should have just yelled no or at least scowled but instead he just hung his head, staring at the floor between his legs and he could feel his body suddenly warming up, suddenly coming alive as if it had thrown off the cold cloak of his fears. It was a moment of decision for him and he glanced up to look at Justin, and deep inside he felt this strange warmth growing and he didn’t feel so afraid either, almost as if he could really trust Justin, even though he had no cause to.

Zack ”Does it matter?”

Justin ”Kind of but not the way you think.”

Zack ”Yeah? How’s that?”

Justin ”I guess, well, cause if you tell me, well then I’ll know you trust me, that, well, you really do forgive me for being an asshole when you needed a friend, that’s why it matters.”

Zack ”And how do I, I mean what if I am, you are asking a lot to just have me prove I am not pissed at you, aren’t you?”

Justin ”Yeah, I am, but…”

Zack ”Why is it so important that I be your friend? Why not Tyler instead?”

Justin ”Because with you I’ll know for sure that its real, I’ll never know that with Tyler or anyone on the team, there will always be that thought that its because I can catch a football, not cause they like me for me, does it make sense?”

Zack ”yeah, it does, I guess, just, I didn’t think, I mean… shit, is it that important to you?”

Justin ”yes”

Zack ”Okay, uh, truth is, well… I think so, I don’t really know, or maybe I just don’t want to know, but I suppose I am, I think about it, and draw it, so I guess I am.”

There was a deepening silence in the room and they could both hear Tyler’s steps as he searched for the phone number. Zack wasn’t sure why he had said what he did, but it made him feel better, like maybe he really wasn’t all alone and that maybe Justin really did want to be friends, real friends.

Christ, to think he could actually talk to someone, to try and figure things out with someone who wouldn’t run from him because he had these weird thoughts about other guys. Or then again, maybe he was off dreaming again, why would someone like Justin care to want to hang with him and listen to his whines and such?

He really didn’t think that Zack would tell him; hell he wouldn’t trust himself so why should he expect Zack to? Funny, he hadn’t thought about all this meant, or how he had hurt Zack until now, so it was kind of weird to be waiting to see if Zack would trust him or not. The words weren’t, well it wasn’t like Zack admitted to it, but then maybe it was like he said, maybe he really wasn’t sure, that could be, after all it wasn’t like he had tons of experience, or did he?

Justin ”Uh Zack, you uh, I mean you ever been with someone?”

Zack ”Me? Funny, no, never done anything with anyone, either way, just never, shit I get too nervous… uh, you ever?”

Justin ”Guys? Shit no, sorry, uh, no, never think about it or…”

Fuck look at him start to sweat, shit you would think I just asked him to bed or something, Christ why does everyone think about sex so much? Like I dont? Fuck, this is, but he is hot and all and, damn!

Zack ”I meant with girls.”

Justin ”Oh, sorry, yeah to a point, nothing like you might think though, just uh, kind of hand stuff, you know?”

Zack ”not really, uh… you really mean it, about being friends?”

Justin ”Yeah I do, and you are right about how words hurt, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings by whistling, it was just, I guess, I was just a jerk, okay?”

Zack ”Okay, it is just, I mean nothing ever seems to go the way I think it will, I guess I dream too much.”

Justin ”My dad used to say that if you dreamed long enough and hard enough that they’d come true, seems like a bunch of crap but now, I mean, do you really think my Mom got some court thing against my dad?”

Zack ”I don’t know, is she really that pissed at him?”

Justin ”Fuck yeah, I still don’t know why they even got divorced, she won’t tell me other than I am better off not being around such a creep, nice huh?”

Zack ”That sucks, funny but Tyler said his folks yell and fight too, but I don’t ever remember hearing mine doing that, guess they are too boring, like me.”

Justin ”Boring? I don’t know, maybe you try too hard, maybe Tyler was right and you should loosen up a little.”

Zack ”Maybe, it is just that… well kind of hard to be yourself when you aren’t sure what that is, you know?”

Justin ”Kind of.”

Tyler ”Hey, here you are Justin, his name is Tim Withers, he’s a good guy too, been here few times, his home number is there too, can’t hurt to ask him.”

Justin ”Thanks.”

Tyler ”So, we ready to do some weights or what?”

10:50 p.m. P.S.T.

Sarah glanced at her watch as the music came wafting up to her. She was enjoying the fresh air out on the patio of the dining room and there were a few couples out here, dancing quietly to the muted music that came from within the huge dining room. A sort of wistful smile crossed her lips as she wondered what it would be like to not always be single, to have someone to hold her and sweep her off her feet at times?

Funny, lately she had been doing a great deal of dreaming, of having someone sharing her life and yet until just recently it had hardly ever crossed her mind. Even as a child her thoughts had revolved around being successful at a career. She had her dreams, but they were far different than most girls. She had once thought of being the first female President, but then the law had overtaken her and her passion had grown to defending women’s rights in an all male club.

Her own parent’s divorce had shown her the way and she had vowed back then to be a strong advocate, one that could take on any man and whip his ass, because after all, Justice was a Lady, not a Gentleman. Her lips pursed outwards and thin smile crossed her face as she thought about those long hours in the law library at Stanford and how she had enjoyed her battles with some of her male counter parts. There had been one who had snagged her attention but he and his friend Trevor had already been staked out and snared by two other women.

She had witnessed the mating ritual and for a moment back then, she had felt a twinge of emptiness in her heart, a slight ache of unfulfilled desire that seemed to be coming back to her now, decades later when it was all too late. Strange how life had changed but hadn’t, as she recalled her time at Stanford and the lost opportunities that she knew were gone forever. Sarah took another sip of her drink, smiling as she had followed the career of the one, and she had noticed that last fall his son had registered at Stanford, following in his father’s footsteps and she wished she too might experience that singular joy that he must now be feeling.

The thoughts of living with a man, of having children had never been in the forefront, only her career and desire to insure that what happened to her own mother would not happen to other women who had spent years supporting the man, only to be dumped when the rewards were about to be given out. Her anger grew at the way some men had lorded their fiscal power and she had made damn sure that many had left the court house shocked and a hell of a lot poorer, and now here she was defending a man, and yet deep inside of her, she knew that this was the right thing to do.

Looking out at the lush scenery of the club patio, she could see people sitting by the lawn, and once more her thoughts drifted off to dreams of what it would be like to come to these affairs with someone, or more importantly, to know she was going home with someone. As she thought about that, she also began to wonder if gays felt this way too, did they dream of having someone special to talk to or was it just about sex, as she believed? Was it the same or not, and once more her legal mind was off on a tangent, and for a moment or two she thought that maybe her reasons for taking on this case weren’t to right an injustice, but to salve her conscience a bit, after all she had refused to handle the case of two lesbians, who had been seeking child custody.

Was tackling the Peterson case a bone to her conscience or was she doing it to get even with Keith Jaworski?  Sarah hated it when she started to doubt her own convictions, reasons and this was no exception. The wistful smile that had crossed her face now grew into a smile and as her eyes focused once more onto where she was, she saw the McHenry’s passing by her. Before she could even think, she noticed Emily McHenry look at her and see her scowling face. Christ, just what she needed, another example of her being a bitch as no doubt Emily would think she was scowling because Sarah had seen her.

Emily had seen the ‘look’ and had turned quickly away, but not before their eyes had met briefly and for some strange reason, the disgust she normally felt for Sarah Glouchester was replaced by a strange new thought of wonder. She couldn’t shake the notion that there was more to Sarah than she had wanted to believe, and that troubled her neat categorization of one of her superiors. She thought Sarah was too pushy, too much the feminist leading the charge over the barricades and it offended her values too, as she believed that women should be women first, career seekers second.

That one glance somehow had made her rethink her position on Sarah even though it was just that, a glance and for some reason her heart was troubled now, a bit shaken by the realization that maybe, just maybe there was a bit more to Sarah than being a go getter. Could she have really been wrong all these years about her?  Emily McHenry shook her head slightly as she clutched her husband’s hand just a wee bit stronger, taking comfort in his strength and his masculinity. He was her protector but at times he was just too dense to talk to, but then he was a typical male and now she smiled again, her world almost back to normal as they went glad handing into the main dining area, all a part of insuring her husbands position.

She spotted Keith Jaworski over at the far end, near the bar naturally and she guided her husband towards him, after all Keith was a prominent attorney and he had been thinking of a new car. Emily would like it if she could help her husband land the sale, and she guided them towards him, she noticed the buxom blonde that seem attached to Keith’s hip. She sure had a pair on her and her blonde hair was most stunning and yet as they got closer, she felt a strange revulsion towards the lady, as if she was walking towards a venomous cobra. Emily shivered a little and it was enough to even make her husband stop and look at her, but she just smiled and on they ventured, to try and snag another sale for the family coffers.

Keith ”Emily, Jason, enjoying the party?”

Jason McHenry ”Yep, looks like its another success for the club.”

Keith ”Sure is, hey Emily when are you going to leave that stuffy old law firm you work for and come work for me? The place sure could use a woman like you around the place.”

Like you really admire my work, I know your reputation and I don’t think I’d want to wind up as one of your trophy girls, no matter how attractive of a smile you might have, besides I doubt if have a sincere bone in your body.

Emily McHenry ”Well Keith, I do like working at that stuffy old firm, they give me time off when I want it, and besides, you have lots of talented Para’s working for you.”

Keith ”None as good or lovely as you Emily, you sure got yourself a winner here Jason, better hang onto her.”

Jason ”Don’t I know it.”

Heather Patterson ”Now Keith honey, you are making me jealous, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends here?”

Keith ”I am sorry sweetie, Jason McHenry, Emily, this is my fiancée, Heather Patterson.”

Fiancée? My god how the hell did she manage to snag him? There wasn’t even a hint of him seeing someone steady, just the same sleazy comments, God, she have something I can’t see at first glance.

Emily ”Your fiancée? Well, that is news, and just how did you manage to catch one of our most eligible bachelors Miss Patterson?”

Heather ”Mrs, but that’s ancient history, and he really is a catch isn’t he? Haha”

Keith ”Now girls, no fighting over me now, haha, hey Jason let me buy you a drink, maybe we can talk a bit about that car I have my eye on and the girls here can get acquainted? You don’t mind do you honey?”

Jason ”Sure Keith, sounds good, okay with you Emily?”

Keith ”Of course its okay with Emily, right?”

Christ he was so damn condescending, no wonder Sarah Glouchester hated him so much, but you had to admit, the jerk had style even if he was pig.

Emily ”Sure, no problem.”

Heather ”I am so excited, you know I really don’t know many people yet, just moved here from Florida, such a change, but Keith has been super, he really is something.”

Emily ”Oh that’s for sure, so from Florida huh? Well that sure is a big move, what made you come all this way?”

Heather ”Oh I just had to get as far away from that horrible thing I married, you know you just never know about some men, they should have a sign or something.”

Emily ”Uh, sorry, not following you there…”

Heather ”Oh nothing, not going to let that S.O.B. ruin this party, its sort of an engagement party for me, oh look, isn’t this a gorgeous ring that Keith got me? I was so flabbergasted when he asked me, it really was such a surprise.”

Emily ”Well, you are a lucky lady, Keith has been an elusive one and yes, that is quite a nice ring, very exquisite, but then Keith did have good taste.”

Heather ”Doesn’t he though? And so smart, he really has been a help to Justin and me, I don’t know what I would have done without him.”

Emily ”Justin?”

Heather ”My son, he’s really a good boy but so moody, but then aren’t all teenagers? I think it will be good for him to have a real man around the house now, instead of what he grew up with, but, there I go again.”

I have heard bitter people before, but man this one sure takes the cake, wonder what her ‘ex’ did that has her so steamed? Judging by her I’d say the poor slob probably just didn’t earn enough for her tastes, or something like that. She really does look so angry when she speaks about him, but then, most women seem to be that way after a divorce.

Emily ”Yes, well, I am sure he’ll come around, kids tend to let things pass if you just give them time, my own boy is like that too.”

Heather ”Yes, well they do need discipline though, I tell you I have my hands full with Justin, he’s so rebellious at that age, why tonight he said he was staying at some friends house, didn’t even ask for my permission, just up and told me when I phoned home, but at least he’s making friends, just hope they are the right kind. Such a chore raising a boy all on your own, but Keith will straighten him out, he’s such a strong man, don’t you think?”

I don’t know why, but I have to get away, this lady is just too much, she talks like her son is just a dog that needs training. I can see Keith packing the kid off to military school or something, but a role model? That sleaze? I better lay off the martini’s, they are getting to me already and I don’t need to blow this deal for Jason, he’s worked hard on getting Keith to even consider buying from him.

Emily ”Uh, yes, yes he is, I really don’t know him all that well, just from work is all, uh, you’ll excuse me? I see one of my bosses, I need to go and talk to her, uh, you don’t mind?”

Heather ”Of course not honey, now you just go and keep your boss happy, I’ll just wait for Keith and your hubby to finish their business, by the way, your man is quite the looker, he looks good on your arm.”

I think if you didn’t have that rock on your finger honey, I’d be a bit worried, maybe I should be anyways, but then Jason isn’t a fool either, but he is a man. Maybe I should keep my eye on him a bit more, think I’ll drop in next week and surprise him for lunch, just to keep things safe.

Emily ”Huh? Oh, yes, he is handsome isn’t he? He does have a good heart, well, nice meeting you, uh Heather? Congratulations on your engagement too, I am sure you and Keith will be happy together.”

Heather ”Oh I am sure we will, he is so nice and very pleasing, if you catch my drift.”

Emily ”Uh, yes, I uh, yes, well excuse me”

Emily quickly walked away, heading straight for Sarah which in a sense surprised her because in talking with Heather Patterson, she felt the same way about her as Sarah seemed to feel about her. Christ, to think she was heading from the fire to the frying pan, but she just couldn’t stay talking to that bubblehead gold digger that Keith had latched onto.

Mind you, she shouldn’t be so quick in calling her a bubblehead, because any women who could actually get Keith Jaworski to commit to a wedding had to have some brains, or maybe it was just that Keith liked big-busted women? She shook her head as she walked up to Sarah and smiled at her, a fleeting pulse of fear passing thru her body as she noticed the total surprise on Sarah’s face.

11:45 p.m. P.S.T.

Tyler sat in the cushy chair his dad had bought him for the computer and he leaned back, part of his hair falling down in front of his eyes as he stared at the computer screen. He smelled his own shampoo and smiled, enjoying the scent and his soft blue eyes twinkled as he relaxed, watching the screen do its stuff. He liked this time of day, especially when the folks weren’t home, because he could just lean back, and daydream.

He actually was pleased with how things had gone, and he thought that with Zack’s help he might just get past that c+ grade which would really please his folks, and that always meant a special treat. He was kind of hoping that his dad would spring for that car but he knew that the insurance was keeping them from springing, but if he could get his English grade up, that just might tip the balance in his favour and he could really be top dog then.

The thing with Justin had him a bit worried too, he had no idea how he’d act if his parents split up and he couldn’t see one of them or talk to them. His face grew sombre as he thought about Justin and even Zack. He knew that Zack was gay, no way the guy couldn’t be and besides, it seemed that whenever they met each other, Zack would get a boner so he had to be queer.

It kind of scared him too, because he could see that same desire in Zack’s eyes as he did in Sheryl’s eyes when they were heading off to go somewhere. She got the same glazed look and it was like he could almost feel her need to be close to him and that same look was in Zack’s eyes too so when Justin had shown up, he was secretly happy. He didn’t care really that Zack was queer, just he didn’t know what he’d do if the guy put a move on him, or did they do that?

Sitting there, in his shorts, he felt a stirring down in his groin and it made him a bit nervous. He wasn’t sure if he was getting a stiffy because he was thinking about Sheryl or thinking about Zack wanting him. Christ, the idea of a guy touching him was kind of freaky and yet, it was kind of exciting, in a rather naughty way. He had listened to all the sermons too, about how being queer was a sin against God, but something inside of him always seemed to reject that shit. He just didn’t think that God would make people that way and then call them sinners; it just didn’t make sense to his 16-year-old mind.

What he did know was that he really wasn’t interested in having a guy touch him, but it did feel kind of nice to know that not just girls found him attractive. Might be bit conceited but shit, he was 16 and it was kind of nice to feel so popular. Justin was another story though, and he thought maybe he should talk to his Mom about him; maybe she could get some advice from one of the lawyers in her office?

The screen stopped its flickering and his eyes grew a bit wider as the images came clearer. His right hand reached down to slide under the waistband of his shorts and he wrapped his strong long fingers around the now fully erect penis. His eyes stared at the image of a naked Brittany Spears and like any normal teenage boy, he began to fantasize about her and him and his hand moved faster too. He smiled just for a second before he fell fully into his fantasy, knowing that the image of a naked Zack could never do for him what this one could.

Before his mind was totally absorbed by the shaking naked image of the young pop star, he wondered what gays did to jerk off? If normal guys like him sought out images of hot babes like Brittany Spears, did guys seek out images of nude Backstreet Boys? He shook his head as he smelled the deep scent of his own body, the sweat on his forehead mingled with the shampoo scent and he squirmed a little in his chair, as his hand moved just that much faster and soon he was lost in the dream of him and Brittany Spears.

Paul circled the block slowly, his eyes darting every which way possible as he checked out the streets and every single parked vehicle that was on not just the main street, but the side streets and alleys. He wasn’t about to let his need for supplies get him nailed, not when he had a real hot one on the line. He was pleased with himself, the way he had played it cool with Justin. Christ the kid was hot and exactly the type he wanted, the smooth skin and fresh look was almost too much and he really did have to fight off the urge to reach out and touch him, feel him, but he had, but damn it had been tough.

He turned the corner for one last check and he saw the head of the person leaning against the wall turn to watch his car and him. Paul smiled as he thought about Robbie and yet he refused to rush his actions, playing it safe despite the rising lust that was starting to take hold of him. He smirked a little as he thought about Justin and how he had played him but now the thoughts of Robbie began to take over and he smiled, knowing that tonight, at least, he could indulge himself. After all it had been a lucrative day, not only did he get to meet Justin but he managed to pawn off some old video tapes of previous conquests for a handsome buck. He deserved to treat himself and Robbie was perfect for what he had in mind.

Rob was just 17 and yet he felt at times like he was at least 30 or so, and he coughed a bit as he spotted the gleaming SUV coming down the street. It had been a quiet night, considering it was a weekend but then those things happened. He had managed to sell a few grams and had made almost enough to have himself a nice time too, but it just wasn’t yet enough so he looked at the car and smiled as he recognized it.

There was no mistaking the dark green truck as it did its slow circle around the block. Robbie sighed as he waited, knowing that Paul always took his time but then the guy usually bought a good stash too, so he didn’t mind waiting. He knew the routine and so he just stayed put, waiting till Paul was satisfied that there was no one watching. At first it had ticked him off a little but then one night, when Paul had done his thing, he had slowed down but instead of stopping he had simply looked at Robbie and mouthed the word ‘cops’ and drove off. Rob had stayed put for a few minutes, his heart pounding and then he simply stood up and headed off.

The cops hadn’t stopped him and he smiled then, knowing that Paul’s annoying habit had most likely saved his butt so next time he had given Paul a real deal and ever since they had grown closer, client and supplier. Paul had been pleased too, and he had even tipped Robbie a few times, which was always a plus.

The dark green SUV with the tinted windows came back around the corner, the engine barely ticking as it crept up the empty street and finally came to a rest right in front of Rob. The 5ft 10in 17 year old looked along the empty street before pushing himself off from the brick wall that he had been leaning against and he slowly walked over to the idling truck. The window rolled down and he smiled as he saw Paul’s face inside and he leaned in, his arms resting on the door.

Rob ”Hey, been awhile.”

Paul ”Yeah, uh, let’s go for a spin.”

Rob ”Oh? Okay, sure.”

Rob stood back and opened the truck door and climbed inside and as the door slammed shut the truck roared into life and headed off down the street. Paul was whistling a little as he smiled back at Rob and enjoyed the view of the rather long legs encased in the close fitting jeans. He loved it when kids wore those types of pants, and he really just hated the loose baggy shit that was all the rage with kids today. It made it rather hard to tell when they were excited or not and there was nothing like seeing a hot young package growing before one’s eyes.

Rob ”So, what’s on the menu for tonight?”

Paul ”Haha, the menu huh? Shit, I don’t know, but I scored good today, think I want to celebrate a little.”

Now this is what I call my lucky night, maybe I can unload the ball on Paul. Christ he’s grinning a lot, never really seen him this pleased before.

Rob ”Cool, so what will it be?”

Paul ”Haha, always the businessman huh, I like that about you Rob, tell me, we are friends aren’t we, sort of I mean?”

Christ, now what is this all about? Friends? I suppose but that isn’t going to get you any credit man, shit, maybe this isn’t going to be a good night.

Rob ”Yeah, sure, why?”

Paul ”Well, how about you knock off work and come party with me tonight? Hate to party alone, what do you say?”

Rob ”Uh, well that’s awfully tempting Paul, but I gotta get rid of what I am holding first, you know?”

Paul ”Sure, how much you holding now?”

Rob ”Uh, eight ball and two halves”

Paul ”Sound about right for two, sold, so now, how about it? Wanna help me enjoy all that?”

Perfect, man this IS a good night, and I get to enjoy it too, shit this guy is okay, ugly as shit but who fucking cares, his money is the same as everyone else’s and he is sharing too, wonder what his score was?

Rob ”Serious man?”

Paul ”Yep, totally serious, besides, its good pr, right?”

Rob ”Haha, yeah that too, okay man, you are on, where we going to have this party?”

Paul ”My place naturally, don’t sweat it either, I’ll get you back to where ever you want after, fair enough?”

Rob ”Sure, why the fuck not, you are on my man, let’s go party.”

Paul grinned and slapped Rob’s knee, his hand staying a few seconds longer than necessary but Rob didn’t seem to mind which was a great sign and his smile grew wider as he wheeled the truck onto the main roads, heading for his own secluded house. Tonight was indeed his lucky day and he could hardly wait to get home and unwrap his treat.

Rob felt a bit uneasy but the prospect of doing a gram plus an eight ball for free was too much for his mind. The fleeting unease was hurried on its way as he contemplated the upcoming high he was expecting courtesy of his ‘friend’ Paul and he just relaxed into the cushy leather seats of the SUV. Paul might be a paranoid freak but he did treat people right so Rob relaxed, wondering if Paul was a needle freak or just a nose jockey?

The truck turned down a quiet residential street and then another and another and Rob stared out the window as some rock music filled the truck, making conversation rather hard. He enjoyed the tunes and as they passed a quiet row of sleeping houses he spotted a young figure jogging down the quiet street. For an instant he thought he had recognized the figure from school but doubted it, after all it was rather late for anyone but people like him and Paul to be out.

They rolled down further, past one house that still had lights on and he wondered what was keeping that person up when the truck turned off the tree lined road and down a long dark narrow driveway. The path was gravel and Paul kept the truck moving slowly as they finally broke out of the tree cover to stop in front of a small house. Rob stared at the small yellow light over the porch and for a brief instant, the hair itched on the back of his neck as Paul opened his door to climb out.

Paul ”Not much is it? But it is home, coming?”

Rob ”Looks okay to me, yep, time to party.”

Paul smiled as he waited for Rob to climb down and join him in front of his truck. He was absolutely beaming as the two of them walked towards the screen door and his home. He rarely brought strangers home, but Rob wasn’t a stranger and he was getting excited about the upcoming fun, as he fumbled a little with his keys in unlocking the door. The lump in his pants was hard and solid as he finally worked the lock and let Rob go in ahead of himself, his eyes immediately travelling to the firm cheeks being held tightly in a pair of faded blue jeans.